Mr. Darcy and Lizzie Bennet set off on their honeymoon on the Continent. Paris, Venice and Rome dazzle our young heroine’s eyes, but all is not as it seems… There is a dark secret tearing the couple apart, and Mr. Darcy just hasn’t been the same. Instead of the prideful, prejudiced man we’ve grown to love, he’s become tormented, angst-ridden, and abstinent… Hmm, I wonder what ever could be the matter?
Author: Amanda Grange
Pages: 320
Published: 2009
Bottom Line: It starts out in a surprisingly delightful fashion, but quickly devolves into the sort of brooding, I-want-you-but-shouldn’t-have-you vampire tale that has been de rigueur since Stephenie Meyer made her millions.
I almost feel as if Ms. Grange came to a crossroads upon finishing her manuscript. Down one path, she had a rather mediocre and predictible vampire novel. One that would have had a Twilight-esque cover slapped onto it, and would have been thrown onto a table of “If you liked Twilight, you might also enjoy…” titles. On the other path she could, with some fiddling, name changes, and heavy-handed references, have a passable novelty sequel to Pride & Prejudice in the vein of the wildly (and undeservedly popular) Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I believe that with a title like Mr. Darcy, Vampyre you can see which road she chose.
It bothered me greatly that this book could have been written about any stock character. It didn’t have anything concrete tying it to Pride & Prejudice other than a handful of names and some rather obnoxious “remember when this happened…” recap moments. If Pride & Prejudice wasn’t in vogue these days, Ms. Grange could’ve easily written Mr. Kingsley, Vampyre or Edmund Bertram, Vampyre or even Colonel Brandon, Vampyre.
That aside, the book actually surprised me at first. It was entertaining, exciting and knee-deep in mystery and vampiric allusions (though considering the title, the reader was left with little doubt). I plunged right into the story and was actually excited to see where it would go… for about 200 pages or so. Then, I’m afraid, Ms. Grange dropped the ball. The novel becomes mired in the type of conscientious vampire mythology that utterly ruins the allure of the fangs and capes set for me.
In short – the proud, noble, cold Mr. Darcy that Austen envisioned becomes Mr. Darcy Cullen, sulker extraordinaire. Directly after their marriage ceremony, Darcy finds out that if he has sex with Lizzie, there is a probability that she too would become vampirical – and so, he spends the next 300 pages cock-blocking her at every move, ignoring her and pushing her away. Mr. Darcy Cullen uses the same “pulling himself unwillingly away from her with every ounce of his strength” and “groaning as he wrenched away” tactics that made his prototype, Edward, a frustrating star, to poor effect.
What happened to the sexual, sensual vampires of the Anne Rice days? Now they’re simply far too tormented to take their pants off.
And in another Twilight-esque development designed to make it even more difficult for a poor vampire to resist, Lizzie Bennet goes from a pretty girl with “uncommonly fine eyes” to a devastating and irresistible beauty. As they travel, everyone the couple encounters has to comment on or fall for Lizzie’s charms. I feel like that is honestly not who she was meant to be.
In the end, the greatest weakness of this novel is that it, simply, becomes a rather grating melodrama as it wears on. It doesn’t keep up the exciting, suspenseful tone of its first half but falls, head-over-heels, into ruts like these:
‘I’m not shaking with fear, I’m shaking with relief,’ she said with a catch in her throat. ‘If you only knew what I have been thinking, the dark thoughts that have plagued my soul. I thought it was something far, far worse. I thought you didn’t love me.’
He looked at her in bewilderment. ‘You thought I didn’t love you?’ He stood, astonished. Then he closed the gap be- tween them in one stride and ran his hands through her hair.
‘I love you to distraction. I thought I would go mad, being with you every day but never able to touch you. If you only knew how I have longed to do this, to feel your skin, to run my fingers through your hair and over your face, to feel you, touch you, be with you… but I couldn’t, I couldn’t.
Gag. Gag. Gag.
If you like brooding Cullen types in a Georgian-era setting with vague allusions to Pride & Prejudice, check out this title. I believe that the less familiar you are with P&P, the more you’ll enjoy this book – and if you’re a fan of the type of vampire stories that are in mode, you’ll probably just love it.
THE NOVEL NEMATODE 